Parting Glass
by MaggsAM
Summary: *Seven Year Jump* No one doubts Carl Grimes has had his share of pain. Carl is hardened by the apocalyptic lifestyle, while quietly trying to lead the group of survivors to an unattainable Nirvana. The only thing Beth can do is reflect on life, Carl's actions, and the meaning of it all. Even if the world is at an end, Beth knows life is empty without love.
1. Chapter 1

His knuckles were warm when they grazed mine. I didn't mind that they were scarred, and slightly rough against the smoothness of my own. I understood those scars. I understood the history of them. I was there when they were acquired, at a mere fourteen years of age. I was there for so many things. He was there for many of my own experiences, both good and bad. Just like he was there for Judith's first word, "Mama." But he stormed away shortly afterward, and didn't speak to me for a month. It was easy to understand why, although it wasn't easy to live that month without him. I was no one's mother. I was no Lori.

Growing up without a mother is like growing up not knowing there are stars and planets in the night sky. You just see dark everywhere. And you don't know what you're missing, but you know something is missing. So all you see is lacking space. I get that. I carry that with me. And when it gets too heavy for him, I carry his too.

Things have changed between us since Judith called me Mama. That very moment. I don't know why life chose that moment to change us. But looking back, I can't tell you why I'm alive, when I could have died so many times. Be it by walker or my own will to go. I can't tell you why the sun still rises and sets on schedule, even when the world is empty. It just is. And that's Carl and I. We just are.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Hey y'all! I'm so excited about the return of Walking Dead, and so excited to hear of your feedback on this story! Just so you know, this is a seven year leap. I'm also planning on making Beth closer in age to Carl. In the show, Carl is around 13, and Beth is about four years older. I'm minimizing the years to a two year difference. Making Carl about 20 and Beth 21/22 in this fan fiction. This chapter contains mature content and language, and my story will continue with mature themes, so please be advised. Enjoy!**

* * *

"We haven't talked about it."

He drops his gaze to the gravel. For the first time in a long time, I don't feel like remembering. I unconsciously rub the bottom of my stomach, and my heart gives a painful lurch. There are just somethings that should be left in the past. Somewhere between Savannah and Jacksonville, in a beautiful bed of flowers. And it should just stay buried in the soft earth, untouched by anything ugly.

"I don't think I can." I whisper, as it's the only volume I can muster.

"But someday we must."

"Why?"

"Because it's important, Beth."

I know he's right. And I know it's important. But I can't think about that right now. I can only think about the sight of the walkers on the other side of the giant metal fence. And how fragile this moment is.

"Will you talk about this again?" I ask.

"Of course."

"It's just-you know. I know you. I know how you are."

He doesn't have to look at me or speak, because he understands what I'm saying. And he knows the truth in my words.

"You know what we will be someday." He whispers, and I see this moment suspended in a crystalline vision. I'm scared to reach out and grab it, afraid it will shatter.

"Yes I know." I say, because I do.

But we don't need to speak of such things now, because we're here and this is our lives now. And as he reaches out to squeeze the back of my neck affectionately, his gaze never reaches my own. But that's Carl. Words cannot describe his love for me. So I just let the silence describe it instead.

* * *

My fingers quickly work through Judith's fine hair, and she swings her legs in the warm summer breeze. I treasure moments like this, and quietly store this one away. Judith is a vision, just like Lori. And already at the age of seven, she understands the world for it's face value. How strange, to grow up in a place like this. To have this world at this current state, be all you know? Walkers are common knowledge. As accepted as the sky is blue. She's never hemming and hawing at walkers. Just curious I guess.

"All done!" I say, as I put the finishing touches of dandelion flowers in her braid.

"Thanks Bethy." She croons, and kisses my cheek.

"What do you want to do now?"

"I have an idea." I turn to smile at Maggie approaching, her hand holding the bottom of her swollen belly.

"Let's look at clouds. And Bethy can give me a backrub." She laughs, and I playfully stick my tongue out at her.

"Yeah!" Judith giggles, and runs down the hill to the flat green stretch of lawn below.

If there wasn't a concrete watchtower, a barb wired fence surrounding the perimeter, and the occasional groan of walker, I could almost claim it was an ordinary warm summer day. I reach for Maggie's hand and we walk down the hill together. I feel his gaze on the back of my neck, as warm as the sun, and I fight to turn my head.

We make a nest in the soft, sweet grass, and Judith points out a rabbit, a walker, and broccoli, all made entirely of wispy cumulus. I sit behind Maggie and kneed the knots from her tense back with my palms. Pregnancy has taken its toll on her. She's as beautiful as ever, but she can't sleep and suffers severe morning sickness. Still, life persists and grows inside her womb.

I can still feel him stare at me, so I glance up to the top of the watchtower. Carl sits, his sheriff hat throwing half his face in shadow. He gives a nod, and I smile and nod back.

"Weirdos." Maggie sighs.

"What?" I say defensively. This is a topic that is often discussed, and I get wound up every time.

"You guys have the strangest love I've seen."

"Yeah but it's love anyway."

She gives a noncommittal nod of the head.

"What's wrong?" I ask.

"It's just, you're now my age when Glenn and I met. Are you thinking about starting a family?"

"You already know that Judith is mine." I whisper darkly. This conversation has taken a drastic turn.

"Ouch!" Maggie squeals as I squeeze a bit passive aggressively on a pinched nerve.

"Sorry." I smirk.

"Everyone thinks you're a saint, but I see you for the brat you are." Maggie laughs, not unkindly. And I can't help but join in.

Oh man. If only people really knew what goes on behind closed doors.

"Do you think that someday Rick will thank you?"

"What do you mean?"

"For raising Judith."

I look over at Judith, picking blades of sweet smelling grass from the earth. Judith, with her pigtails and long eyelashes and chubby cheeks. Was I fourteen or fifteen when she was born? Had it really been seven years? Was it really a fourteen year old caring for a baby? A child looking after a child? I remember the sleepless nights, the exhaustion, the frustration, the constant guessing. Sure Carol had been there to provide the occasional helping hand, but it was not enough to simply step in from time to time. Rick didn't step in at all. He felt uncomfortable and guilty that Judith would cry every time he held her. Whether I liked it or not, the baby had unofficially become my responsibility. But it was a responsibility I fully took on, and I haven't thought twice about it, or looked back since.

"I don't care. I love her like she's my own."

"I know you do, Beth. Do you not want to talk about it? I just feel like I'm only seeing the surface of the relationship between you and Carl. I want to know how deep it goes. You guys are so mysterious. Always together, even when you're not together, you know? Ever since you were kids."

I gaze back up at the watchtower, and he's still staring. For a second I get nervous that he's hearing everything, even though I know he can't.

"It's...intense. I think it overwhelms us both." I whisper, deciding to be honest. And I can't meet Maggie's gaze, though I feel her stare burning.

"Golly Maggie, what?!" I exclaim after a minute of silence.

"Nothing! It's just, I know Dad would be very proud of you. He loved Carl like a son. Carl is a good guy. Like Rick was, you know?"

I do know.

Judith comes running up, with a handful of dandelions and a giant grin, her front tooth missing.

"For you, Bethy!" She throws her slender arms around my shoulders and tucks the yellow weed behind my ear.

"I love you, Judith." I whisper into her hair.

In my arms, Judith is small and warm, and I look up to see Carl with his ever present icy stare. He looks at the scene below, and I wonder what he sees. His sister, the woman he loves, life that is young and fragile inside another human. I wonder if he envy's what I have, small as it may be. But he smiles, and that's enough for me.

* * *

"I want to show you." He whispers into the nape of my neck, and despite the heat, I feel goosebumps erupt across my body.

"Show me what?" I breathe.

"I want to show you how much I care. What you made me feel today."

I put down the binoculars and slowly turn to face him. The sun beats across his face and his eyes are so blue they look almost transparent in the light. His skin is tanned from the summer, save for the dusting of freckles across his nose that he kept since I first met him. He pushes his dark brown hair up and to the side of his head like a makeshift part.  
He's so tall now. Muscular but lean, like his dad. His face even has a five o'clock shadow. Somehow, we survived all this hell and torment, and now here we are, adults.

I watch as he reaches a hand out and wraps it around the base of my neck, wiping the beads of sweat that have collected on my clavicle. Suddenly I'm scorching.  
He removes the dandelion from behind my ear, giving it a small smile.

"Come here." He breathes, and closes the distance between us.

It's like someone strikes a match where there is a gas leak. There is fire everywhere. There always is when we touch each other. And we were touching each other. His lips are warm and wet and he licks my lips with a soft tongue. I let him into my mouth. He bites my lips and our tongues caress, and I suppress a moan. Everything feels so good. We breathe together and battle for dominance, and I push my breasts against his firm chest. His hand squeezes the back of my neck, his fist in my hair, while the other gropes by backside, grinding me into his arousal. I gasp and he smirks. It never fails to get me.  
Swiftly, he picks me up and places me on the counter in the watchtower, and I wrap my legs around his waist.

"Can I kiss you, baby?" He whispers into my ear, and gives it a sensual nip.

"Yes." I murmur.

"Here?" He asks, and squeezes my neck. I tilt it back for him to get better access and he attacks, sucking and nipping at my pulse point.

"Here?" He asks again, trailing his hand to caress my breast.

"Please!" I moan, and throw my head back as he takes both hands to cup them and squeeze them roughly.

"Hands up." He hisses, and I immediately obey as he whips my light, white sundress off of my body. He takes a second to look me over. Sun kissed skin, freckled shoulders, average breast size, blue panties. I'm never sure what he sees in me, but I'm confident that he admires me just the way I am.

"Perfect." He says, and lunges to suck my breasts.

I love it when he does it, and he does it with fervor. I can't stop my moans of approval as he licks and suckles and bites and uses his tongue to massage and enchant my body.

"I fucking love your tits."

"I fucking love you sucking my tits." I groan, and he hisses through his teeth.

When I curse in bed, it's Carl's biggest turn on. It's naughty and dirty and only for him. It's our secret.

"Can I kiss you here?" He breathes hotly onto my nipple, and his hand moves to cup my sex. I jerk involuntarily, and that gives him the answer he needs. He grabs my arms and yanks me off of the counter to his chest once more. Looking over my shoulder, he slowly peels off my blue underwear, leaving me completely naked while he's still fully dressed. It's hardly fair, but my heart is pounding so hard and I want this so much I could give less of a shit as long has he doesn't torture me by dragging this out.

But of course he does.

He squeezes and fondles my flesh, and gives it a hard smack.

"Hnng!" I moan, and he does it again.

"Such a bad girl, Bethy." He growls into my ear.

"Don't torture me. Show me what you needed me to know."

This seems to snap him back on track, and once more I'm lifted back onto the counter.

"Spread your legs." He commands, and yanks my knees apart obscenely. Then he gives my nipple a hard pinch, and splays his hand flat across my chest, pushing me down.

"Good girl." He says, and yanks my legs over his shoulders.

"You're so gorgeous and I would fuck you, but I'm saving that for later. This is all about you right now, love. This is for you."

I feel my legs lower as he gets on his knees, and delivers a long, flat lick against my slit. My hips buck and he blows cool air onto my folds, wet from his saliva.

"I love kissing your beautiful, pretty pussy." He hums, and gives short kitten licks to my clit.

"I-I love you kissing my pussy, baby." I whimper, my eyes squeezed shut.

Carl knows exactly what to do and say to get me wound up. After years of accumulating practice with one another, we're both able to push each others buttons. We know the other's bodies as well as our own.  
He's thrusting his tongue and fingers in my sex, and I'm grinding my hips against his mouth, moaning and hyperventilating. I grab his hair and pull him closer, and he reaches up to grope a breast.

"Please! Oh please, Carl! Babe, please!" I'm whining and twitching and he is relentless. His fingers are thrusting and curving and he has three thick digits slick with my moisture pounding in and out between my legs and it's so fucking good. His look of determination, the sweat that rolls off of both of our bodies from our efforts, and his humming against my clit drive me wild and suddenly I'm clenching and falling and he tells me to let go, so I do.

* * *

He hands me my sundress and I give him a loopy grin. He snorts like I'm the biggest goof, but I know he's secretly pleased as well.

"Thank you." I smile, as he pulls the dress over my head, and straightens out the straps.

"Thank you, babe." He murmurs, dusting off the dirt on the side of my dress.

The sun has already begun to descend, and we hold hands and make our way back to the prison walls. Before we reach the door, he stops me, and I'm quiet when I see the look on his face.  
It's crumpled, and I know he's trying to reach for the words.

"I love you, Beth. I'm sorry I don't tell you enough."

His words grow inside me, and make my heart bloom like a cherokee rose.

"You don't have to tell me. I already know. Our love is like that, you see."

And he smiles because he understands.  
He smiles because it's the truth.


End file.
